I always untie one of my shoes with ease, but then the OTHER shoe has to go and become a Rubix Cube attached to my foot.
People are out there, doing drugs, drinking, getting high, and I’m over here, still following the “one-two-three, save my apple tree” rule.
My mom just texted me “Are you out of bed yet?” Oh, boy, does she have no clue.
Do they have different kind of fries in Europe? I mean, they call french fries “chips,” and here in America we have “steak fries” and “curly fries” and “wavy fries”. Do they have “steak chips” and “curly chips” and “wavy chips”?
I really want a cat named Jasper
Hawkeye is literally the worst Avenger
I hate when the lead singer of a band looks worse than you imagine them to be
If it wasn’t for human error, sports wouldn’t be amusing to watch. If everyone carried everything through as they wanted it to be, it would be that everyone was as good as everyone else.
Think of any number. Put 1 over that number in a fraction and that’s the fraction of how many numbers out of infinity that number can multiply into.
What if everyone got a tattoo at a certain age and it was a number on the back of both of their hands. And the purpose is so that if you were handing something to someone you could check their hands first and if they steal your things, you could tell the police and they could check who stole it. Of course, it’s not a foolproof plan but it’s a good concept for the most part.
I think the next Sprite commercial shouldn’t include a random spokesperson, but instead, should show the president of the United States with Sprite hooked up to him in an IV.
And now a list of my favorite Australian slang words:Arvo – Afternoon
Barney — fight
Bathers – Swimsuit
Billabong – A pond in a dry riverbed
Bludger – Someone who’s lazy, generally also who relies on others